


Horrible Past, Bad Present and a Good Future

by pyrogirl2000



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: I am a terrible person, It's a bit dark, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 12:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13481409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrogirl2000/pseuds/pyrogirl2000
Summary: What if Light wasn't Kira? What if the Light you know was only a facade? This is what really happened.Warning: Cutting and rape. This not for people looking for fluff.I am truly sorry for any miss spelling, if you do notice anything please do point it out. Good day. Or night.LxLight. Seme!L and Uke!LightThis is also posted on Fanfiction.net under the name username.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 'Light's thoughts'(when in Light's POV)
> 
> 'L's thoughts'(when in L's POV)
> 
> “Normal talking”

Light's POV

Light sighed and closed the document with the list of Kira's most recent killings. It was completely obvious even to an idiot like Matsuda that the killings were in favor of the Yotsuba corporation. The only problem is that we still can't tell which leader is Kira. They could arrest them all but that would make the public too suspicious. Also it's not like we can just hold them forever.

When L heard Light sigh he turning his head to look at him. Light immediately noticed this and stared straight back at L, while recreating and placing his mask. They continued to stare at each other for the next several minutes in silence. L was the first one to break the silence.

“Is something of the matter, Light-kun?” L asked curiously, while he nibbled on his thumb.

Light internally grimaced at what L was doing to his own thumb, but Light did not show that on the outside. Sometimes it seemed like L did that on purpose just to irritate Light. “Not really, it's just that we can't take action against Kira without knowing exactly which one of them it is.” Light explained letting his head fall back at rest on the back of the chair.

“Hm, yes. That is why we will only monitor their meetings for now. Does that bother you Light-kun? Do you want to place the blame on one of them and pretend you are not the real Kira?” L responded back to Light turning his chair so he faced Light with his whole body. Before Light could respond indignantly, his father started yelling.

“MY SON IS NOT KIRA!” Mr. Yagami yelled, defending his son like the 'amazing' father he is.

When Light heard his father yell he flinched slightly. L instantly noticed this, but Mr. Yagami didn't and continued his ranting at L.

“I THOUGHT LIGHT HAD BEEN RELEASED! I THOUGHT HE WAS CLEARED OF BEING KIRA! SO WHY ARE YOU TWO HANDCUFFED TOGETHER?! IT IS CLEAR TO EVERYONE ON THE TASK FORCE THAT LIGHT IS NOT KIRA!” Mr. Yagami yelled, finishing his rant.

Light knew that his father wasn't actually mad about him being accused of being Kira, at least not at the moment. No, he was angry because he couldn't get Light to himself. Light shuddered at the thought of what his father would do to him if they were all alone. Light glanced back and forth between his father and L to see what the detectives reaction would be. 'Please' Light thought, 'don't have the handcuffs removed'. He repeated that in his mind over and over again.

L swiveled his chair to face the computer in front of him once again. “Do not forget, Mr. Yagami there was also a second Kira. Who is to say this isn't the work of a third Kira, as unlikely as it can be.” L stated quietly while stirring his sludge like tea, that is if you can even still call that tea. “But I do admit that it is not really necessary to continue being handcuffed together. We are in a high security building built to help hunt down and contain Kira after all.” mumbled L almost like he was talking to himself.

'No...'

“Does this mean that your suspicions of my son being Kira are gone?” Mr. Yagami asked L, taking a slight step forward. A step that clearly showed his excitement and hope.

'No...'

“ Nowhere close. I still suspect Light-kun of being the first and original Kira. But we have camera's almost everywhere so I'm not very concerned about Light escaping or killing from this building.” L answered, then took a sip from his 'tea'.

'No...'

“ So you're going to take the handcuffs off, Ryuzaki?” Matsuda questioned standing up from the couch.

L, Light and Mr. Yagami all turned and looked at Matsuda with wide eyes(well not L, I don't think his eyes can get any wider).

“...What?” Matsuda asked looking at them.

“It seems that we all forgot you were in the room, Matsuda-san...” L stated slowly in a low voice.

'I concur.'

An awkward silence settled over the room like a thick fog. It must have the most awkward silence in the world, it could win a gold medal. It also ended up being a staring contest of some sort because nobody moved a muscle. Then...

“~Light~!” Misa sang as she barged through the door and ran straight to Light latching on like a leech. When she burst through the door it was like they broke out of a trance.

'Oh god', Light thought, 'this day cannot get any worse'.

But of course it could. I mean this phrase was created as for foreshadowing, it's practically the definition.

“Oh Light! Misa-Misa has missed you so, so, so much! Let's go out on a date now! We can go this cute little cafe just five blocks from here! Misa-Misa knows you will love it!” Misa screeched in her high pitched and slightly painful voice.

“AS I was saying earlier,” L interrupted making everyone in the room look at him(Mogi is somewhere else in the building), “I agree to uncuff myself from Light as long as-”

“Oh, really?! So Light and Misa-Misa can go on dates together without you?!” Misa exclaimed joyfully. She was practically jumping in place.

'God, no...'

“ Miss Amane, I would appreciate it if you would not interrupt me while I'm speaking.” L stated in a flat tone. Misa pouted but kept quiet, thankfully. “Thank you. Anyhow I will only let Light out of the handcuffs is if he shares a room with Mr. Yagami.” L finished with what sounded like a sigh.

'NO! This can't be happening. This can't be happening! If I share a room with him, he will...There will be nothing to stop him!'

Light turned his head slightly to look at his father with twinge of fear in his eyes. Though nobody noticed this because they were all looking at L.

“I completely understand, Ryuzaki.” Mr. Yagami said, “I agree to share a room with Light if it means it will help get rid of your suspicions of him being Kira.”

'No...no,no,no,no,no,no,no. This is my worst nightmare.'

L nodded and pulled a key out of his front right pocket. It was the key for the handcuffs.

'I have to stop this', Light thought, determined.

“Honestly, Ryuzaki if you still think that I am Kira, I think it would be best to stay handcuffed so you can keep an eye on me, to make sure I am not the first Kira.” Light said while gently prying Misa off of his person.

Light could feel his father glaring at him. With that feeling Light knew that if he didn't convince L to keep the cuffs on, he would not live to see tomorrow.

L glanced up at Light from the cuff around his wrist in which he was about to unlock. He made a small humming sound. “Why are you so desperate to keep the cuffs on, Light-kun? That isn't like you.” L stated leaning closer to Light.

Light started to panic inside of his mind. 'No, you can't figure it out L. If you do it really could be my end!'

“What are you talking about Light?!” Mr. Yagami said, as he stared at his son with wide eyes. To any other person they would see the emotion in his father’s eyes as shock but Light knew the truth. The emotion in those eyes was rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. His father knew what he was trying to do.

Light flinched and pried Misa off of himself in one final push. Light kept his hands on her shoulders to make she didn't latch right back onto him like a disgusting leach. “As it is my sense of self is kind of depleted. I mean, I am not doing a lot of the things I used to do anymore!” Light exclaimed looking at L and doing whatever he can not to look at his father. “Anyway if I am just going to be stuck in this building where you will be watching me on camera anyway, so we might as well be chained together.” Light explained in a clear crisp yet slightly irritated tone of voice.

L raised an eyebrow at Light.

 

L's POV

L raised an eyebrow at Light. 'This isn't like Light! The Light I know would be doing anything to get these handcuffs off'! L thought to himself. L pushed his lip with his thumb and stared at Light.

Finally L spoke. “Well honestly it won't make difference whether or not we are cuffed together like you said. Anyway I think you could use some time without me, to return to your usual sleeping patterns and such.” L stated and swiftly released the locking mechanism in the handcuff.

L glanced at Light's face to see his reaction. Light's face was completely blank, even his eyes had dulled. Light almost looked dead, his skin had paled and he was frozen in place.

“Light-kun?” L asked staring at Light's face getting more concerned as time went by. L knew deep down that he loved Light. Without himself even realizing it, L had fallen deeply in love with Light when he was investigating him. Of course Watari knew this as well since L went to him, seeking advice from his father figure. Sure, L knew a lot of stuff, about other people though. He was never good at analyzing his own feelings.

 

Light's POV

'No! L did it... He unlocked the cuff'. Light thought, 'I can't hate him though it's not like he 'knows' what my own father does to me...' Light continued on losing focus with the outside world.

Then everything suddenly went... dark.


	2. Chapter 2

L's POV

L was getting really concerned and started to reach for Light when suddenly, Light's head dropped. Not just that but Light's whole body had slackened in fact. L lunged forward and grabbed Light by the shoulders to stop Light's body from having a ruff greeting with the floor.

“Light!?” Misa practically screamed right next to them which made L wince. She was stupid to scream like that. It wasn't like if Light heard her scream his name he would suddenly wake up!

“Light!” Matsuda and Mr. Yagami yelled as well while running toward the now unconscious boy. 

“Can you all stop yelling? That's not going to do anything other than ruin my eardrums.” L complained then continued on, “Mr. Yagami will you help me bring Light to the infirmary so I can have Watari examine him for the cause of this. He hasn't been acting like himself today, I think that may be a symptom of whatever caused him to pass out.” L said as he stood up out of his chair while still holding Light by the shoulders.

'I hope he will be okay... please be okay, Light...'L thought to himself while pulling Light into his arms bridal style. Light's head was resting on L's left shoulder. Light was surprisingly light (pun not intended) which made L frown. Light was only slightly shorter than L and it was only by a few inches. Light should weigh around 140 pounds, but he feels more like 110 pounds instead. It was a possibility that Light could have been neglecting his health to work on the case. Now that L thought about it. Light had stopped having his lunch and dinner breaks recently.

That would be the first thing on L's agenda to do when Light wakes up, to get him to eat some food. It would also be a good idea to point this out to Mr. Yagami later.

L waited next to the infirmary door for Mr. Yagami to open. As soon as the door was opened wide enough L slipped through, like a fish in water. Which is a funny thought because he was told by many that he looked like a panda bear (which he totally disagrees with).

The infirmary was a large but it only had 8 beds in all. There were 4 beds on each side of the room, with curtains to separate them. Everything in the room was white: the walls, beds, linens, curtains, desk, cabinets and nightstands.

This was the first time they would have to use the infirmary since they arrived in the building, L thought to himself as he placed Light on the first bed to the left. L was truly hoping that they would never have to use this infirmary during this case, he didn't like to see associates or people close to him injured. L looked at Light's face, Light looked at peace when he was unconscious. Even when Light's was asleep it looked like he was trying to solve a difficult puzzle in his mind. This expression of relaxation is what L wanted to see on Light's face when he was conscious one day.

'That day will most likely never come though', L thought, 'he is my main suspect as the first Kira and he knows it too. I don't even know if we could truly become friends like this'.

L wished dearly that Light and himself could have met another way. Even if the Kira case had never started. Even if the first Kira never appeared. Eventually the being as Light Yagami would have reached his attention because his abilities would be recognized by Wammy's house. Light was a born genius, it was surprising enough that Light hadn't been brought to his attention years ago. Light had had practically perfect grades his whole life. He even had a chance at being L's successor.

L was snapped out of his thought's by Watari walking into the room. It had taken some time for the older man to get there because he had to escort Misa out of the building as he always did. L gestured for Watari to begin his examination of Light. Watari nodded and pulled the curtains closed around the bed Light was in. The was a little gap between the two curtains that L could see Watari's face but not Light.

The longer the exam took, the deeper Watari's frown got. That got L to get nervous at what Watari was finding. Was Light more than just underweight? Watari had seen a lot over the years while he was be L's side. He had grown somewhat of a resistance against getting emotional about it. Hell, his facial expression of emotionless didn't change when he had to examine the body of a prostitute that had been raped then slain. So this HAD to be bad.

Watari sighed and looked at the clock. “Mr. Yagami it is late now I think you should return home to your wife and daughter. We will call you if anything happens while you are away.” Watari stated as he pulled the curtain open wide enough so he could step through and closed it behind himself before L or Mr. Yagami could get a look.

“What if something happens while I'm gone?! What if your not in the room to help or at least dial for an ambulance!? I can't just leave my son here!” Mr. Yagami argued pleadingly.

“Do not worry, Mr. Yagami. We will stay the night in here to make sure nothing happens.” L promised Mr. Yagami, settling himself on the bed across from Light's. Watari nodded at L and looked back to Mr. Yagami to see his response.

Mr. Yagami sighed, aggravated, and ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, but I will be back here first thing in the morning!” Mr. Yagami exclaimed looking back and forth between L and Watari. Both of them nodded back at Mr. Yagami to show that they understood. Mr. Yagami then turned to leave the room and to go home for the night.

As soon as the door closed behind Mr. Yagami, L looked to Watari. “So what is it that you wanted to tell me but not Mr. Yagami?” L questioned Watari.


	3. Chapter 3

Watari's POV

Watari shook his head silently before walking closer to L and sitting on a nearby stool. He looked at L then looked off to the side in the direction of Light. “I don't think his father should have to know his current condition just yet...” Watari spoke quietly as if to stop anyone from listening in on their conversation.

“What could be so bad that you, Watari, wouldn't want to tell Light's father just yet?” L asked staring at Watari. Watari knew that L would ask that question and he had thought he had been prepared to answer the question but it took he just couldn’t say it. He may dislike Light because it was a very high possibility that he was Kira, and he would not have been very affected if Light had been sentenced to execution. But THIS, Watari would never wish this on the brunet.

“I have an idea of what may be contributing to his condition but I want to do some tests first to be completely positive.” Watari stated before getting up swiftly and walking towards Light's bed. He could feel L's gaze upon his back but he did not look back. Watari moved the curtain in front of Light's bed back to he could step in then shut it. Stood there silently for a second to see what L was going to do. He heard the creaking of a bed and then quiet footsteps. When the door was opened and then finally closed Watari let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding in.

Watari turned towards the bed and looked Light over. Light was still pale in his unconscious state, in fact now he also seemed to be shivering. Watari pulled an extra blanket out of the nightstand next to Light's bed and placed on top of him in hopes of stopping his shivering. It wouldn’t help to have Light catch a cold as well to worsen his condition then it already is. The thought of his condition back to his original train of thought which was to do some tests on Light. Starting with an x-ray may help to see if there is anything else physically wrong with Light other than what he had already found.

In his previous examination Watari had found almost completely faded bruising on the left side Light's abdomen. That was the first thing that Watari discovered which made him look just a little bit more thorough because even though the bruise was old and mostly gone he could see that it had been a terrible bruise. There was some more bruising on Light's shoulder that looked fresher and looked suspiciously like a handprint. Watari had checked his legs next. He found old bruising on his thighs. Probably just as old as the one on on his abdomen. That’s when it suddenly made sense, like puzzle pieces falling into place.

'Light...he had been...' Watari could not even say it in his own mind for it disgusted him. How could anyone possibly rape Light?! Watari knew he was considered quiet handsome and that Light sometimes had a bad attitude, but this... When that had gone through his mind, Watari had put Light's clothes back on and pulled the blanket up to Light's chin and then had left to speak to L.

Watari went to get the portable x-ray machine to get started on Light with a slight shake of his head.

 

Light's POV (Dream)

Light was nine years old in the dream. He looked up and noticed he was back in his bedroom. His bedroom from when he was nine is not that much different than its current look. Light was sitting on his bed reading his most recent book which was about the different animal kingdoms. It wasn't that bad actually it had a lot of facts in it. He continued reading until he heard the door open. Light looked up and saw his father standing in the doorway and noticed that the hallway lights were off. He quickly glanced at the time and noticed the bright blue numbers read out 11:37. His jaw dropped, he hadn't know it had gotten that late. He quickly stood and apologized to his father.

“I'm sorry, I didn't realize the time, father. I will go to bed immediately.” Light stated and ran over to the bookshelf to replace the book to its proper place. Light heard to door close behind him and thought that his father had left and turned to go to bed when her saw that the door was closed but his father was still in his room, and he frowned. “Is there something you need to tell me father?” Lighted asked tilting his head to the left almost like a little puppy.

“Yes there is,” Father started and then smirked. Light didn't understand, what was so important that it couldn't wait till the morning. Suddenly father reached forward and grabbed Light's right arm. He dragged me to my bed and threw Light on his bed. He opened his mouth to ask his father what he was doing when, his father lunged forward and clamped his hand over Light's mouth.

“You will not make a sound or I will hurt you.” Father said in a quiet voice. Light was scared, his father had never acted like this before, but he nodded anyway. Light's father grinned and flipped Light onto his knees and facing away from him.

Light whimpered why his pajama bottoms were pulled off along with his underwear. Tears started to leak from his eyes. He didn't understand why his father was doing this. Being the smart kid he was, Light already knew about sex and that kind of stuff. But this was just wrong.

Light felt something prod his entrance and the tears started to stream down his face faster. He just couldn't believe this was happening. Then Light felt as if he was being split apart and he almost screamed but instead pushed his face into the comforter that was on his bed. It hurt so very much. His father kept moving and never stopped. Light started to sob quietly.

When his father was done he just redressed then left without a word. Light just kept lying there crying and with only one word running through his mind.

Why?

 

L's POV

'Watari was acting a bit weird back there but if he wants to be sure about Light's condition then I will wait', L thought to himself as he was walking to his room to rest little and wait for the results on the tests Watari was running. L hoped that Light would be okay. This was a weird occurrence, though that was good just as it was bad. Passing out only once since knowing him was good because it meant that it wasn't very serious, but passing out for no reason in general is bad.

L sighed, he will never be able to have a nap if he keeps worrying about Light at this rate. L pulled out his laptop when he got into his bedroom and started to work from where he left off from before Light passed out. If he couldn't sleep at least he would make better use of his time, like trying to solve this case.


	4. Chapter 4

Light's POV

Light opened his eyes slowly. The first thing he saw was a white ceiling. He looked to his side and saw a nightstand that was also white. ‘Why was he in the infirmary?’ He started to think back and realized that he had fainted, and in front of L no less! Light blushed slightly, he hadn't wanted to look like a maiden in distress (even though that was what it had felt like inside).

Light heard some shuffling to his right and turned his head to look. There sitting in the chair next to his bed was Watari. Light let out an audible breath seeing that it was not his father.

“How do you feel, Light?” Watari asked him noticing that he was now awake.

“I feel better. Thank you, Watari.” Light said as he went to sit up.

Watari noticed this and stood and placed a hand on Light's shoulder making him flinch a little. “You should rest some more. It is still the middle of the night, so what use would getting up now do.” Watari spoke gently to Light. This tone made Light uneasy. Watari was never this gentle with Light. Light was almost positive that Watari dislike him because he thought that Light was Kira. The more Light thought about it the more suspicious he was of Watari. By now he could just feel that Watari was holding something back.

“What is I that you are not telling me?” Light asked him in a tone that was quite frosty. Watari seemed to still then sighed.

“Light I need you to tell me the truth, about what happened to you...” Watari spoke slowly and hesitantly to Light. It was Light's turn to freeze.

“I passed out, you were there. I don't know why I did, but I did.” Light answered, searching Watari's eyes for what he knew. Watari sighed and turned away from Light. He started to walk towards the door and Light could not help but call out to him. “Where are you going?”

Watari stopped with the door part way open and turned his head to look at Light before answering. “I am going to go report to Ryuzaki.” That was all he said before he left the room. One question floated through Light's mind. ‘What was Watari going to report?’ This was bugging Light to no end but he knew that he would not get anywhere thinking and theorizing about it anyway and decided to go back to sleep and be well rested when morning comes.

 

L's POV

L was pulled out of his research by a knock on the door. He had been able to sleep a couple of hours but no longer than that. He called out to who ever knocked to enter. Watari opened his door and slipped in to the room quietly. L perked up, if Watari was here that meant that...

“Light is awake.” Watari reported to L.

“What is the condition that Light-kun is in?” L asked Watari hoping that Light wasn't in pain.

“He said that he felt better.” was all L got from him. He could tell that Watari was hiding something from him.

“I assumed so, but do you know what caused Light-kun's condition in the first place?” L asked hoping to get a little more information from Watari.

“He seemed to have started eating less it seems to me. That caused him to be in such a weak state. I also believe that he has a severe case of night terrors. He was crying in his sleep.” well that was more than before was all L could think at first. Then it struck him that Watari said that he was crying in his sleep.

“Why would he be crying in his sleep? Did he say anything?” L asked leaning forward a bit in anticipation for the answer. Through the time that L had known Light, he had noticed that the arrogance that Light had shown was a facade. It was why he was not so sure now that Light was indeed Kira. But what L asked himself the most was, why would Light feel the need to put up such a facade.

Watari shifted on his feet slightly and shook his head, but L could see that he wanted to say something. “L... I know that you care for Light. I know that you want to protect him from getting hurt. But sometimes you just can't always protect those who you care about.” Watari spoke in a comforting voice that put L on edge.

“What do you mean by that Watari?” L asked suspiciously. “You speak as if I can't stop anything from happening...” L paused and then leaned back some, “Unless something already did...” he spoke quietly before closing his eyes.

“I am sorry, L. From the looks of it, I conclude that it was sexual assault.” Watari stated quietly. L's head dropped.

“Did you find evidence on who did it?” He asked Watari hoping he would say yes so he could catch this man quickly, yet he also looked forward to a no so he could hunt down this guy himself.

“No, I didn't find anything. But, L, this not like any other cases we have worked on.” Watari answered to him. The last statement made L lift his head and look at the older man.

“How will it be different?” L asked quietly with his voice breaking a little. His Light had been assaulted by some stranger.

“From all the tests I have ran, this was not a one time thing. This continued on for years now.” Watari told L. As soon as L heard that he stood up and started to pace the room. There was a immediate change in L. He was standing up straighter and his eyes were narrowed in a glare.

“So whoever did this has been in Light's life for years, which means that they are very close to him. Light doesn't have any close friends which would only leave...” L stopped talking and slowly turned towards Watari. “His relatives. Watari, look into any male relatives Light has and do background checks. I want to know everything about them, and that includes Mr. Yagami as well.” L ordered him. Watari only nodded and left the room to do his work.

L sat back down on the bed and placed his head in his hands. He just couldn't believe that Light had been abused that way for so long. He shook his head and stood back up again. L took his normal slouch again and left the room heading to the infirmary. If he wanted to protect Light then he would have to be there for him all the time. To help him.


End file.
